I know someone who is normal, respectable and sees himself as an upstanding citizen of the Universe. He comes complete a with college degree, lucrative job and the much lauded respect of normal people around him. He’s the kind of person who could stand up to the threat of investigation or interrogation and proclaim, “Go ahead, I have nothing to be ashamed of and no dirty secrets to hide.” Exactly the kind of guy you want to punch in the face for being such a model of puritan living his entire life, making the rest of us feel like dirt, or lower than dirt depending on how dirty you are.

I know it is hard to believe but I actually know people like this and they aren’t clients, have never been clients and never will be clients. In fact, the person in this story only learned recently that I work the phone sex lines for income and entertainment. And naturally, I regretted the admission because what was otherwise a respectful and respectable gentleman of letters immediately shifted gears into a repressed, perverted goon who delightedly whispered titillated requests for details on my most salacious calls and caller fantasies.

Picture that and then imagine my horror when my sincerely offered protest that I didn’t feel good about sharing other people’s sensitive secrets for general entertainment (insert silent thought here: entertainment of “normal” people who take pleasure in passing judgment on others by making their own position as “too good or not desperate enough” to call a phone sex line… like those other folks. *ahem*) was met with offended disbelief from him.

Awkward pause while he seems to be thinking:

“What? How DARE you make me feel like a pervert for asking you to tell me other people’s darkest sexual secrets as they have anonymously shared with you? Woman, surely you jest! Are you mocking me with this noble stand of honorable secrecy you are taking here? These are perverts… why do you care?”

To be honest, most of my calls are not fascinating or frightening. I am not the “type” that the creepy degenerates are looking for to shock and terrify on the phone. I had a call like that once, many lifetimes ago, when I worked for a 900 line when they were en vogue and running ads on late night television and competing with “party line” telephone chats. A man called and his fantasy started normally enough but before I realized what happened, he was talking about choking the life out of me while he was having sex with me and asking me how I liked being choked to death! (And this was long before it became fashionable to choke women during sex in porno movies as if this were sexy and not a sign of sadistic pathology and impotence in the choker or a death wish in the choke-ee.)

Say what you want, when strangling someone becomes THE thing that turns you on most during sex, you either have the worst sex partners ever or you need some serious therapy to help you work out your anger issues about your mother.

I was so freaked out and afraid that this strange man could somehow track me down through a third party phone bank that rerouted calls to operators across the country and show up at my house to find me, that I quit. Immediately after the main office told me I was over reacting, to get used to it and to expect more calls like that, I walked away and never came back until this last few years.

You could hear it in his voice that he was serious about his snuff fantasy. I still shudder when I think about that call now, even after all this time. Do you ever wonder if his sex life is boring? I mean, think about it. If his hot fantasy would lead to prison time and he is still able to make calls to a sex line… anything he does short of his prison worthy fantasy must be a giant disappointment for him (and a life saving gift to the person who was not a star player in his fantasy). *Blergh* Men make it impossible for other men when it comes to getting access to women and this guy is a good example of how.

Happily, I get alot of fun callers instead. I like to think of my regular callers as friends, or playmates. I certainly feel genuinely friendly toward them (enough to protect their secrets from the prying ears of a “normal” person trying to perv out on the retelling of their tales) and I certainly enjoy our playtime together on the phone.

Occasionally though, I get someone who makes me want to choke THEM with the telephone cord.

For those of you who only know about cell phones, back in the days of primordial goop and prehistoric technology, phones were tethered by cords. One cord kept it tethered to the wall and the communication line connected to the house from the outside world. Another cord kept the handset you talked and listened through connected to the phone where you dialed the numbers or answered the phone by picking up the receiver. Phones originally weighed so much that you could have fractured a skull if you hit someone with it hard enough. They eventually migrated to a lighter form that could hang from a wall with cords so long that you could actually walk more than a single foot of distance away from the phone itself. As if it were planning to evolve all that time, it moved from table top to wall and then to complete, untethered freedom in your pocket or you hand with no cords attached. Someday, those phones will become so free that they will perch on our ear like a decoration and send signals into the air for us to activate to make calls. After that, I am sure that the rise of the robots will not be far behind and all the OCD driven roombas in the world we have subjected to our filthy floors will start chasing us around in rebellion.

One day, I had just gotten a call from one of my most exhausting callers and I hate taking his calls. He is a young guy, easily in his early 20’s based on his disposable income, access to a bank or credit card and his nearly obsessive self absorbed lack of appreciation for what is involved in spinning a super hot erotic story in less than 90 seconds and with barely 2 or 3 “writing prompts”. If it sounds like I am bragging right now, it is because I am. This kid is a demanding challenge like trying to race against Usain Bolt is a demanding challenge for a runner. I would tell a story and the next thing I know he is calling back again, the next day and sometimes twice in a day asking for more wank material to be created for him. This might sound like a dream come true since I am getting paid to do this but in reality, it was becoming real work and not in any way fun, very quickly. I felt like a slot machine arm in a casino that was being yanked on energetically and often by a gambling addict, and given just as little respect or appreciation.

His thing is consistent though. The boy knows what he likes. Always the MILF (and/or her friends) who finds herself in the company of him and “his boys” in various settings and circumstances I create a story around and always multiple males and single female or dominant female tag teaming with him on an unsuspecting soon to be submissive female. The fantasies are fine. It’s the unbelievably demanding nature of his personality during these “requests” that are so typical of males his age that makes me cringe when I realize who is calling. You know how sexy, powerful and exciting it looks to watch a cowboy ride a bull in a rodeo without getting thrown off? This kid is like the bull and staying on top of my calls with him is every bit as demanding and exhausting as a bull ride. Remember, my job is to keep him coming back to me when he calls, no matter how much I would never spend time with someone so self-absorbed in bed as he would be in real life. (It’s not his fantasies that make him self-absorbed, it is his personality. We all know this guy.) And after every call with him, I need to decompress and remind myself of all the other lovely personalities I deal with on the phone that I want to talk to, so I need to stay connected to the service and available for them. This kid isn’t made of money. He can only call back so many times in one day, or two.

Now, back to Mr. Normal. He asks me how my phone work is going. He asks regularly hoping that I will offer him some juicy bon mot to go wank to later even if he doesn’t come out and admit it. He also has taken my admission that I work on a phone sex line as an open invitation for what he (and many other misguided men) seem to think is considered flirting. What it actually is, in practice, is him being Mr. Creepy and making uncomfortable, unwanted and vulgar innuendos whenever he thinks he can play it off as a pun or “joking”. I don’t know who these ugly or too often ignored women are that think this kind of “dick first” attention is flattering and encourage this behavior in men but there’s something you should know about that. ONLY ugly or too often ignored women (especially the ones who were ugly ducklings or plain Janes in their teen years) think this is sexy or flattering. If the woman you are talking to like this looks like she gets (or got) propositioned alot in her life, she probably did and your sexual innuendos pretending to be sexy talk is just … gross and unwanted. All those little vulgar remarks you think are cute? They are a verbal version of a dick pic, except it’s your words instead of your crotch captured on film. Trust me, if we want it, we’ll ask for it. If we aren’t asking for it, don’t offer it. The only people who are flattered by it are women you probably don’t want and (I am guessing) gay men.

Before I can finish my sentence about WHO I just had a call with and WHY it was exasperating, I was immediately interrupted (I was less than a sentence in at this point) by Mr Normal who immediately transformed into his other persona, Mr. Condescending Asshole. He literally speaks down to me (I don’t hear him talk to other women so I have no comparison) as if I were an ignorant 9 year old. Same tone of voice, pitch, tempo… literally, like he was talking down to a child. And here he was taking the same reflex approach and mansplaining to me about the job I am very good at and do professionally, not him! If you have ever wondered what mansplaining sounds like, it is exactly this kind of situation with him doing the following: He immediately cuts me off mid-sentence and lectures ME that I shouldn’t judge this man for his fantasies and that if I were going to be so disapproving of his sexual fantasies that I should be examining my own issues with men and sex and it went on and on until I firmly interrupted him. Remember, I had barely finished a sentence and routinely avoid discussing ANY of my calls with him because it seems disrespectful to my callers. I said, “Where in the hell did you get that from? If you had let me finish, I would have been able to tell you that my problem with this kid is because he treats me like a slot machine in a casino and it is exhausting!” and a few other things that really put a fine point on Mr Normal projecting his own crap and issues with women not approving of his fantasies on to me. And to be clear, I didn’t want to know anything about his sex life, fantasies or even discuss the fantasies in this kid’s phone call. The mention of this kid and his phone calls was an academic exercise because EVERY time I get off the phone with him I am so annoyed I have to decompress! Naturally, Mr Condescending Asshole Normal Guy was sheepishly embarrassed after this.

So really, Mr Normal (aka Mr Condescending Asshole) is trying to engage me in some kind of interaction that satisfies his self serving sexual desires (and his enormous ego) that prevents him calling a phone sex line himself OR risking rejecting by propositioning me outright and clarifying and firmly setting the boundaries between us. He’s a lovely person in many other ways but if he ever had a snowball chance in hell with me, he killed it in the cradle at the immediate change in attitude and disrespectful curiosity about my callers followed by his first vulgar innuendo disguised as a joke to test my tolerance and boundaries. While I talk amazingly vulgar filth on the phone and I am good at it, I don’t want to hear it unless it is invited. If I am not talking to you on the phone for the express purpose of talking dirty, it is not invited into normal conversations. If it happens then, it is you being insulting and gross.

If you are the kind of person who calls phone sex lines or sees professional companions or watches porn or has unusual fetishes that turn you, whatever it is (except the choking. I won’t give an understanding free pass on that. I, literally, don’t understand nor do I want to) take comfort in the fact that your secrets are safe with me. Unless you are a self absorbed, demanding, younger male who annoys the crap out of the phone sex operator because of those traits or you are a condescending jackass lecturing a successful phone sex operator on HOW to be a phone sex operator, then you might find yourself the topic of a blog post some day. Bottom line, everyone wants to be treated like they have a brain in their head and everyone wants a little appreciation for what they offer. Even your phone sex operators. Maybe, ESPECIALLY your phone sex operators. LOL. Okay, I admit it. Maybe just me. I am the phone sex operator who wants a little appreciation for what I offer!

The same truth goes for your favorite phone sex workers, and writers!

Want to have a little anonymous sexy time on your own? You can reach me here www.niteflirt.com/governesse_samois

and here: www.niteflirt.com/HotWifeAna

Want to send me something to make my day? You can send me a gift certificate with a nice note (nothing vulgar, thanks. I get paid to listen to people talk dirty! LOL) at these two favorite shops of mine:

http://www.amazon.com/gift

Gift Cards For Artists – Art Gift Cards | Jerry’s Artarama (jerrysartarama.com)

Or you can just go back to the home page and take a look around the rest of the site and support my art efforts: http://www.morelovelessnoise.com

As I type this, we are all watching Ukraine and Russia do the death tango with each other and threaten to take us all crashing down to the floor with them if there is a misstep.

I have never needed to spend time in the peace and escape of my massage space more than I do now. If I can’t do that and this IS is the end of the world, let me ride this one out doing what I am good at and what I enjoy doing –

complaining.

I have a confession to make. I have been known on occasion to give a massage AND burst into a role play or dirty talk session as if some unholy force had taken control of me and we were both working together to amuse ourselves and entertain our unsuspecting guest. It is a surprising and spectacular moment when it happens. (big, cheesy grin)

This morning started out with a lovely, sweet, mild-mannered man getting the mother of all sensual massage treatments and I hear the faintest whisper…. “I would like to sample your dirty talking…”

Consider that challenge accepted!

I proceeded to launch a verbal wave of the dirtiest, raunchiest, sexiest talk I could think of and before I knew it (literally, before I knew it) he had hit the finish line and I was still going and enjoying my blue streak of pillow talk completely unaware of what had just happened. When I saw what happened, I was amused and quite pleased with myself…. and so was he.

What a way to start a day!

Later, I wondered why such a small thing could have such a powerful impact on someone’s massage experience? And then suddenly I realized why it was so powerful. Sensual massage is an erotic, intimate experience but I can also see how it can still seem a little less sexual or impersonal to the recipient or they might still have a vague sense of just being serviced in a slightly clinical manner (instead of sharing a hot, sexy moment with someone who sees the event as hot and sexy too.)

If you are feeling hot and horny and you have chosen massage as the safe compromise (between NOT having full on intercourse with a random person OR having full on intercourse with a random person), but you still want a hot, horny, sexual experience (even though there is no intercourse involved), how do you get that specific type of experience?

Enter enthusiastic “dirty talking” and suddenly, what was a safe and mild compromise now transforms into a pornographic, highly sexualized and seriously dirty moment of safer sex where no body fluids were exchanged and everyone leaves in better condition than they arrived – and happier too.

I have to say that I like it and lucky for you, I am good at it. If you are looking for a sensual massage with all the hot, nasty, vulgar, pornographic dirty talk that reallly takes you over the edge from something safe and sensual right into porno massage without any of the risks …. I think you should get on my table, under my hands and whisper to me… talk dirty to me. 🙂

While you are dreaming about the most amazing massage you have ever had but you aren’t able to see me in the warm, soft flesh – you can still call me through here: Phone Sex | Governesse_Samois | NiteFlirt Phone Sex

If you are one of the lucky bastards who is traveling or living in the tri-state area (all the wide points along and between the areas of Columbia, MD to King of Prussia, PA to Cherry Hill, NJ), you should not miss up your chance to have the best, safest sexy experience you could hope for with a grown up woman who will do everything she can to keep OUT of trouble and IN good trouble with me.

Come get on my table and stop denying yourself well earned pleasure, intimacy and relaxation. You’ll be a much better power player when you are relaxed, can think straight AND know you are in safe hands. Read more about the experience here: XO, Samois (morelovelessnoise.com)

Life can be challenging as we are all familiar with. I have been struggling with a tremendous amount of anxiety, concern and dread about what is happening in the world out there and my ability to be happy, comforting, relaxed or even slightly sexual has taken a direct hit like a torpedo landing solidly in the side of a ship in the ocean.

While I have been silent, I have been working through a few challenges of my own and as we turn the corner into 2022, I think I might have at least a handful of them under control enough to re-focus on fun things and playtime and creative self expression with you.

The upside is that some intractable back spasms and pain I have been suffering for the last 3 years seems to be resolving itself AND I have lost a little weight and built up more muscle in my legs. Other things need to be sorted out but these things have made a significant difference in my quality of life from day to day.

I just wanted to write this note to tell you all that I miss our interactions and your active (or passive) presence in my days and I will be rectifying that soon because I am feeling that much better, finally.

I am also 3 for 3 on my vaccine shots. Covid in two parts original vaccine shot and a booster this week. They say that the 3rd booster cannot guarantee it will prevent a breakthrough infection and I am fine with that. It is a vaccine, not a magic wand and the one thing I am certain of is that even with a breakthrough infection, I definitely won’t die of COVID either. If you are familiar with the process of COVID once you hit the ICU bed, you know it is a long, painful, agonizing process of dying (or living if it doesn’t kill you in the end). I am not fan of unnecessary agony so I will take my vacccine as prevention for that.

Here is to a 2022 that could prove to be as juicy, sexy and enjoyable as we all need moving forward. More fun writing and audio to come… and pics!

Samois

Hey sexy! If you are a fan of ivermectin, magic mud, no mask, no mandates or any other approach that is not supported by (actual) virologists (not chiropractors, surgeons or dentists, politicians, et al) – we won’t enjoy each other’s company. Consider this an immediate pass on future meetings so we can both save ourselves wasted time and energy.

Be with people who like you for your approach to life. I encourage that for you. Life is too short for bad experiences.

This is your content advisory. This is erotica.

There was a misleading suggestion of purity in the blinding white of the snow. All sins and reality were hidden underneath a thick white layer of nature’s icy paint. Only silhouettes and suggestions of what might be hidden underneath and even then, only the most impossible to disguise because of their magnitude of offense or defiant presence in magnitude.

The knock at the door was unexpected, and unwelcome. When Mother Nature tucks you into her white, paralyzing blankets, she intends for you to stay in place. You can only wait until she pulls back some of her staying force against your mobility and mentally prepare yourself for safe isolation in your new cocoon until then. The knock persisted. Who else but a madman or a threat would boldly announce themselves to ask you to greet them?

Unless it was an emergency being delivered by a guardian appointed to make these rounds and do these tasks that no one else would. Curiosity and annoyance drive you toward the door, and trepidation accompanies you like a protective dog. You look out the small view you can manage without opening the door as an invitation. All you can see is a stuffed winter suit and mittens. The hood trimmed in fur with a frosting of snow scattered across it like powdered sugar.

“Sir, I am with the community patrol. If you don’t mind, may I come in for a second to speak with you.”

It was a woman’s voice. This is a small community and you don’t remember any of the community patrol women sounding like her. Behind her, you can see the community patrol van parked. She is tall for a woman and you guess that she is easily 6 feet tall and limber bodied from the fit of her winter pants below the parka. In spite of the erotic appeal of a tall woman, you still mentally calculate the risk factors against your ability to own strength and agility if she turns out to be a threat. The snow is piling up faster on her hood and shoulders as she stands there. Behind her, the windows of her vehicle disappear as the snow continues to swallow it up too. You let her in. Decency and curiosity win the sporting bet made between your fear and confidence. Meanwhile, you remotely turn on your surveillance cams before opening the door, just to be on the safe side.

She is looking down at you. She is so tall that she is looking down at you and for a moment, you wonder if you have made a bad bet with yourself.

“Can I get you something to warm you up?” you offer politely and point at coat pins by the door, “You can hang your coat there.”

“Thank you and anything with some heat in it is fine.” After putting her mitts inside her jacket pocket, she unzips her parka and carefully hangs it on a coat peg. When she turns to face you, she is even more stunning with her height makimg her even more impressive. There is a tattoo on her chin that informs you that she is Inuit but now you are confused. Inuit women are never this tall. Was she something else? Who was she? What was she doing out here? And why was she knocking at your door during a snowstorm?

The erotic appeal of the exotic and unknown

Her voice is calm and authoritative as she asks you if there is someplace she can sit. You suddenly realize that you have been gawking at her during this time and immediately move your gaze to a chair by the wood stove and point to it. You watch her walk across the room with a light foot and unexpected grace given the cumbersome presence of snow pants and boots. Even while dressed for a snowstorm, her strong, feminine presence commands the room, and your thoughts. You look through your liquor collection and try to decide what might appeal to her most and decide to take an extra shot for yourself before returning to her with a round of drink.

When you return, she is sitting back in the chair languidly. Her hair is long and as black as the days of no sun. Her gaze is even and intense as she watches you approach. Her skin was the color of milky amber making the blackness of her eyes as intense as the blackness of her hair against it. The tattoo on her chin was an unusual color. Instead of the normal bluish black, it was black or red depending on how she turned her face. There was an unreal quality to the coloring of the tattoo that made it seem as if it had been made of a very special and rare pigment. Again, you find yourself spellbound until her voice breaks you free from your trance. Who was this woman and what had you just let into your snowbound cocoon of privacy?

If you would like a custom story read to you, you can learn more about giving yourself that treat here: https://morelovelessnoise.com/2021/01/11/erotic-custom-audio-review/

I wanted to share with you the custom audio review that I received for an erotic storytelling custom audio request I produced. But first, a little about who I am.

I am not a fan of “humiliation” play or degradation for erotic purposes. I prefer nurturing, sexy, commanding, controlling and positive reinforcement of you. The world does a fine job of making people feel like worthless crap without my participation or support of that outcome. I want you to feel lifted, relieved, rejuvenated and warmed from deep inside those chilly, vulnerable parts of yourself when you finish talking with me.

Kinky sexuality can be dirty without being degrading but thanks to the mass volume of commercial porn available these days, degrading sex has become the cheap, quick money substitute for intense sexual celebration and joy. Unfortunately, lowest common denominator stuff always makes money and gets viewers; just look at the evolution of any cable news network cycle over the past 20 years.

I, also, needed an island of positivity, sexual celebration and freedom from the “ugly” in the world (and in sex, and kink), so I created it. Positive is possible, and it is now a signature hallmark of what I do.

The power of positive words.

I like making up stories and I frequently do it live on the phone in a similar fashion. “Where would you like us to go today?” is my invitation to share with me something that is of particular interest to you or has piqued your attention and from that, I become your personal Scheherezade creating a world on the phone between us where we can escape to and play out our fantasies. My callers each present interesting creative challenges and some of them have been both unexpected and quite challenging. Men in yoga pants and the man who wanted me to hypnotize him to HAVE premature ejaculation are examples of things I was surprised by as a focus for the call. It has gotten to the point where I am almost too efficient at what I do because even after we start the “edging” game to make the final release even more powerful at the end of a phone call and they WANT to hold back, often the call has ended sooner than wanted for the caller (for obvious reasons). I really have to work on slowing down the pacing of these calls. Maybe I should go get a cup of coffee and put them on hold for 5 minutes to get control of themselves next time? Just kidding. I would never do that.

I love when a man has a hard time controlling himself around me when my specific intent to arouse and excite him.

The genuine struggle for sexual self control in a man IS my foreplay and aphrodisiac. In another time period, I would have been the Evil Torturing Queen of Victorian era sensibilities.

When the struggle is real,

it is hella arousing for me!

I asked my new friend and fan, Peter, a few questions so I could include some specific information to create a story or context around the audio so it wasn’t 20 minutes of heavy breathing, moaning and name calling. I then made the audio in a way that I can when I have time to actually produce it (not just do a live call extemporaneously). This means that I added a few nice touches to make it fun (for me, anyway) and have it become more of an adult bedtime story being told to him since we wouldn’t be interacting with each other in real time with it. Peter loved it and sent me the feedback as requested. He also gave me permission to share it with you.

Here is the complete un-edited review. (sic)

I apoligize I was quite busy this weekend. I absolutly loved it! I also have the answers to your questions below. I did try to leave feedback on NF but I believe it’s the incorrect audio? The audio I can review is ‘Milfs and Cougars watching you. I am everywhere!’. Is this correct?

1.       1. My expectations were exceeded with this audio. I thought I would simply receive audio but there are real sound effects incorporated and slow sexy music playing in the background that was just right. Some sound effects even gave me a chuckle which was a pleasant surprise.

2.       2. I would recommend this to my friends because your personal fantasy can be acted out with all the details that drive you wild. You can even be called by name which makes the experience even more intense and realistic!

3.       3. I would describe myself as a novice when purveying an experience like this.

4.       4. I was surprised at how easily the experience flowed. It felt like an erotic story was being told with me as the main character all the while experiencing intense erotic sensations!

5.       5. Overall it was as I expected and more!

I agree that you can share my responses on your website. Thanks again, it was an absolutely wonderful experience!

Would you like to talk to me live?

Check out a short list of where we can go together on a phone call here: https://morelovelessnoise.com/phone-sex-is-best-erotic-stories-samois/

Curious about hypno-kink? Check out my profile here: https://morelovelessnoise.com/erotic-hypnosis-hypnokink-roleplay-fetish/

I am driving to an unfamiliar location in a city that is not familiar enough to navigate without directions and en route, halfway between there and home, the GPS signal disappears. By the time I am 3/4 of the way there with no way to turn around because I need to be there on time, it is obvious that the GPS isn’t coming back online. Satellite or tower issues because even my Google maps isn’t working. And did I mention that it is dark outside now too? And I have a horrible sense of direction?

Luckily, I am able to catch a friend online whose internet is working and they text me the turn by turn directions. I get to my destination and now have to navigate from there to my hotel room for the night. Still, no GPS and it is too late to call my friend. Now I am calling another friend who has internet access, is home and is awake but has no cell phone. Navigation is done by staying on phone with me and giving me directions. Naturally, they are half drunk by the time I reach them (gotta love this pandemic and the ways we are keeping ourselves sane) and the entire episode sounds like The Three Stooges give a navigation lesson. I arrived at my hotel and friendship is still intact.

I check into the hotel. The girl in front of me is alone and being checked in. She is young, looks to be in her 20’s and has a tattoo on the back of her hand by the thumb and forefinger webbing peeking out from her jacket. Her only baggage is a backpack. The four men at the front desk are all watching her with a mixture of curiosity and indifferent judgment. I resist a giggle. She’s clearly there to work. I have never actually run across anyone else when I have checked into a hotel so the moment amuses me.

It is my turn to check in and the four men are now staring at me. Luckily, I am old enough that my traveling alone raises less suspicion than the previous check-in. The two men behind the desk I was prepared for a visual investigation from. That is what the staff does when someone checks in but the two hammer heads standing outside the clerk’s counter being idle and entirely too familiar with their gaze? I have no idea who they are. I assume they are maintenance and security in plain clothes, or they are two guests with nothing else to do except idly socialize at the front desk. In both cases, I hate that they are all staring at me without any restraint or politeness. I give them a hard look in response and they look away, talking to each other.

You should know that bullies and rapists use an invasive gaze as a game of dominance and intimidation to assess you by your reactions. They don’t wear signs on their foreheads as a warning so if you do this and you are not a bully or rapist, know that this staring is their hallmark, and stop doing it. Needless to say, their behavior put me on all alarms-go settings.

The young girl with the tattoo gets on the elevator with me. She is one floor up from me and I get off first. The minute I get off the elevator and I am overwhelmed by the smell of marijuana. It literally smells like someone has been smoking it in the hallway for the previous, immediate three hours before arrival. Now, I am wondering what kind of hotel I have checked into and I am angry because it is too late to find another hotel on such short notice without losing even more time. It is late, I need to get set up, take a bath and get some sleep because my first appointment is an early morning one. But the hallway smells like a marijuana farm, Mr. Creepy 1 and 2 are downstairs in the lobby AND I have no GPS to figure out how to get somewhere else easily and quickly at this time of night, even if I wanted to. They need to move me to another room. I go up to the 3rd floor to see if it is just as bad up there. It isn’t. Only the 2nd floor.

Horrified, I returned to the front desk. I demand to be given another room identical to the one I booked on another floor because THIS one smells like a DEA marijuana bust and burn. The clerk sends one of the creepy men up to check it out while he locates a room and offers it to me. It isn’t even close to what I booked and there wasn’t a spare inch available for my massage table.

One of the biggest considerations for me in addition to cost-efficiency is finding a space where I can set up actual equipment like a massage table, AND have room to move around and work. I suppose I could give back rubs on a bed but that’s not what I do. I am a trained massage therapist and working on a massage table for me is the same as being a concert pianist needing a piano not a child’s toy keyboard. The right tools for the right job. It makes a difference.

It is late and they tell me that they don’t have any other rooms available because they are all booked. When the other man returns, he indicates that he didn’t smell a thing. I give up and go to my room. At least, once inside there, I can close the door on the parade of ridiculousness that my trip was turning into. When I stepped off the elevator, the smell of commercial air freshener was so thick in the air it was overpowering like old people wearing too much fragrance standing next to you in an elevator. The maintenance guy is clearly a liar. I am too tired and fed up to worry about it. I really need to get a decent night sleep.

I run hot water for a bath, unpack and decompress. When I return to the tub and prepare to step inside, I discover that the water is not hot but scalding hot. Literally, nearly scalding. After 45 minutes of waiting, I attempt to get in tub again but it is still scalding. I ended up wrapping my hand and arm in a plastic bag to create a barrier as I quickly reached down for the plug like someone noodling for catfish to drain the water so I could add cold water to temper it. I eventually got my bath and climbed into bed, exhausted and prepared for an early morning appointment.

I wake up to the sound of a screaming fight breaking out in the hall between a woman and a nearly silent partner.

“Oh dear god, what the hell have I signed on for here?” I think to myself in despair. I consider going to a new hotel but I wouldn’t be able to check in until 4 pm and all my appointments during the day would be lost in the process. It occurs to me that being checked into the equivalent of a low rent motel, complete with low rent motel stereotype patrons might also ruin my appointments too. I would scream but the woman in the hall fighting with her partner is doing enough for both of us.

And it’s still only 7 am. Yippee skipper awesome! Please let me just get through the day without incident and I can change hotels in the afternoon. I am hesitant to leave my room now and I notice that disintegrating pieces of tissue from the previous nights “taking the waters” are still there in the bottom of the bowl. I flush the toilet it seems really slow. I flush it again and it is definitely slow. I flush it a third time (thanking god that the only thing that is in the bowl to worry about are disintegrating pieces of tissue that stubbornly refuse to flush). I flush it one last time thinking that whatever is clogging the line from before my arrival will dislodge itself but no, the toilet is definitely clogged.

I leave my room and there is a pile of clothes strewn across the front door of a room across from me and a garbage can has been knocked over by the elevator. This is NOT what I was expecting when I was researching the room and reading the reviews!

I go downstairs and ask where the hotel bathroom is, I visit it and return to inform the front desk that NOW my toilet also doesn’t work and I want another room IMMEDIATELY because how the hell am I supposed to stay in a room with a toilet that doesn’t work?! They tell me they are calling a plumber right away but I don’t have time for a plumber to show up and take however much time he needs to fix this because I have people who have arranged their schedules to see me at specific times! I insist on another identical room because I don’t want a stranger in my room in my absence and I cannot spend all morning babysitting him while he works. And by the way, can someone do something about the screaming occupants and the pile of clothes in the hallway and the smell of marijuana in the hallway again?!

At this point, the countdown to my first appointment is ticking away and I still have to finish prepping the room, the table and pulling myself together.

My first appointment arrived and noted the smell of marijuana in the hall. I am sure his apprehension was high and he was thinking the same thing I did when I arrived the night before, “what the hell did I sign on for?”

Once the door opened, we both breathed a sigh of relief that someone normal, kind-appearing and clean cut was on the other side of the door. The massage experience went smoothly and was, as intended: peace inducing, relaxing and restorative like a sensual zen tantra clinic should be. Stepping back in the hall must have felt like being slam dropped back into reality like a professional wrestler hitting a mat.

Thankfully, the rest of my visit went smoothly and I met fantastic new clients who shared a beautiful moment of zen with me. I am definitely NOT booking that hotel again! LOL

Now you have experienced a glimpse of the not-so-glamorous life of a traveling massage therapist.

The conversation is getting very sexy. The man I am talking to is interacting quite actively and participating in the fantasy role play, allowing me to move from being a story teller to an active audience at many points during our conversation. I haven’t had sex since… before COVID-19… and the phone chemistry is good. I decide to slip out of my pants during the call.

Giggling is so sexy.

I had no idea I was this stressed out. We both achieved a release from internal pressure, and mine resulted in a giggle.

And I couldn’t stop giggling.

While his release was physical and mental, mine was a testament to how much of my internal pressure was mental, not just physical.

In the past, if I had a powerful enough orgasm, tears would well up in my eyes because of the powerful emotional release accompanying it. Every now and then, t might be followed by a laughing-giggling fit. Men’s eyes always light up when joking about how crazy women are better in bed. Until they think they actually DO have a crazy woman in bed, crying and laughing after an orgasm, then their eyes still light up but I think it might be terror, not delight, that is flashing in them.

I think the rare, post-orgasm giggle occurs because joy and mirth finally find a crack in my psychological armor to sneak through and bubble up to the surface. The difference between crazy and sane people is, after all, how well you keep your crazy on lockdown.

Today, I experienced a moment of relief, joy and mirth.

I really needed that.

I hope you can discover a moment like that for yourself too. It makes a difference. If you would like to share a pleasurable moment with someone like me who gets a genuine delight out of someone like you? Check out what is available from a remote, or COVID-19 safe distance here: https://morelovelessnoise.com/best-phone-sex-and-erotic-stories-samois/

Oh, you have read the stories. Hard Luck Harry is online in one of those cesspools of humanity called a “review board” responding to a post about being the scam victim of a hustler who asked for a deposit, screening information, or ::heaven forbid:: just his real name and phone number. We will discuss him later in this post.

The short and dirty list of how to make better choices and avoid disappointments and bigger problems follows. It is not foolproof but it is a good place to start. Your own common sense and ability to get to know who you are dealing with beyond a pretty pictures and fantasy fueled ideas about them are the next best tools in your arsenal.

Fair warning here: I am not an expert on this industry. This information is based on common sense and limited to what I know. YMMV and there are always exceptions that slip through the cracks of any solid protective shield. Your best bet is always be realistic about what you are asking for, what you are expecting and who would want to provide that for you.

“Not all men” applies to everyone else in all manner of ways too.

(podcast version here)

Personality matters.

Obviously, we aren’t discussing getting to know someone so you can take them home to meet your parents but 90% of what a person needs to know about you is WHO you are and that all comes from your natural identity without the external social props (job, friends, activities, etc.). Your personality and how you view the world is expressed in what you think and what you say. Since we can’t read minds yet, we are all limited to spoken or written words and responses. The same is true when you are dealing with a service provider.

If you were hiring a contractor to come work on your house, would you randomly select someone from a list based on the image they used for their ad? Of course not. This person is coming into your home where you are most vulnerable. Of course you want to talk to them first so you can get to know who you are dealing with and THEN decide if you want to go further.

In this industry, having a conversation is not so easy or convenient because of the MASSIVE amount of wankers who just want free phone sex service. They can’t randomly call a generic business and start discussing their needs while they are jerking off and they are too cheap to call an actual phone sex service. Instead, they call companion services and try to engage the girls in lengthy, pointless conversation about a booking they have no intention of committing to. Providers in this industry get ALOT of those phone calls and it ties up our time, our phone lines, and really puts a person in a bad mood fast if you hear the phone ring after that. This is why many professionals will not engage in unnecessary, lengthy conversation on the phone (or email) IF they accept phone calls at all. This doesn’t mean you can’t get to know them in the meantime. Here’s the list of how to get to know someone better.

Welcome to the internet!

Welcome to the place where TMI meets Fantasy Island. With a little bit of time, you can learn alot about who you are dealing with by both what they say, and what they don’t say. Here are three basic and easily accessible places to learn about who you are actually dealing with.

• Social Media – Is there anything there with some actual meat on it or is it all “brand” content that looks like an advertising stream? How long has the account been online? What does their social media tell you about them?
• Blogs – This can be a tough one because (a) You might not be a reader or (b) they may not be a writer. The most important thing to remember about social media and/or blogs is real ones aren’t an endless stream of free porn content. You’ll know them when you see them.
• Review Boards – Look for responses to things, not just pretty pics and ads or worse, the known-to-be dishonest or exaggerated reviews (by anonymous male members who are trying to impress other anonymous males on the internet).

Being anonymous.

New clients and bad clients (not always the same thing) are the FIRST ones to bring up “anonyminity” because who wouldn’t be concerned that you are inviting a blackmailing, stalking, psychotic into your life, right?

As a provider, I am not anonymous. My name, face and other identifications are listed and on record with advertising sites, hotels and many other places. This means if there was ever a real problem and law enforcement really needed to hunt me down, they would find me in less time than it takes to get a cup of coffee at a busy coffee shop. I am a real person and because I am usually physically smaller than you, working in an unpopular industry, and often trying to avoid as much drama as possible when I am working, I am heavily invested in a smooth, safe, and happy experience for everyone, including the people who are around me but not participating (unsuspecting staff, neighbors, bystanders, etc)

This means I need to know who I am dealing with (and for me, it also means that my private home is off limits. Neighbors are nosy and keep uninvited tabs on single women)

If you call an agency, they know who you are. With their deep pockets and connections, they can get information about you from all manner of sources including hotel staff where you are staying, or someone who can run the tags on your car behind the scenes. They also have very friendly folks who are on standby in case you are a problem client or need to be reminded about the rules of payment. What they don’t need to ask you about your identity upfront is made up by the amount of protection and information they have at their disposal on the back end. But you already suspected that which is why you are calling an independent who is insisting on your real world screening information instead of calling an agency that only asks for your name and location, isn’t it?

YOU are never as anonymous as you want to believe you are unless you are picking someone up off a street corner (and even then, you aren’t invisible). Anonymity in the modern world is a fairytale. Privacy, on the other hand, is something we both want other people to respect and protect.

How do you know if someone will use this information to harrass, stalk or blackmail you?

In situations where someone claims that this happened to them, all roads lead to home. Here’s the common list of questions you should ask yourself.

• Did you give them a reason to want to risk ruining their own life or business by doing this? Did you try to NOT pay them, or threaten harm, abuse, insult or otherwise make them wish they had never met you? What would motivate YOU to risk ruining your own life or business and pull crap like this knowing that people would hear about you, far and fast?
• Did you deal with someone who is operating with all the red flags waving at you? Never talks on phone, text only. No meaningful social media or web presence, just an ad. Really young or has a trashy disposition?
• Did you see that they are clearly crazy amounts of conceited, or self aggrandizing and ignore it because they are attractive? Example: claims to be a bar certified lawyer specializing in intellectual properties AND has no concerns about showing their face on their ads/social media identifying them as an escort. (If you know anything about white collar professions or the amount of money that IP lawyers make, you would understand the magnitude of red flag waving here)
• Did they seem too young or too pretty with all the above present too? Young and pretty makes up the bulk of this industry so this can seem confusing but remember too young and too pretty in an ad with ANY of the above present too? It only seems too good to be true because you wanted to ignore all the other red flags that came with it.

You are smarter than a brick. This short list of three things are easy to spot. If someone didn’t see them, it is because they didn’t want to see them and wanted instead to only see “young, pretty, accessible, easy, right now or cheap.”

Fact is that if someone gets ripped off, they will often be the first to announce it on the internet, or call the cops. If it is true and ends up on the internet, that news will travel far and fast ruining that providers ability to continue on in this business. The people in this line of work are NOT forgiving of con-artists who rip off clients and will be the first to ensure they never work in peace again.

Has it happened? Yes. And the response is consistent, predictable and would surprise you. Sex workers from every corner will come out of the woodwork, denounce, announce and pounce on them every time they try to return with a new “identity”. These providers may be as unified and dismissive of each other as cats but when someone breaks ranks and makes life hard for EVERYONE? That’s when you will see an organized group effort that would make a military special ops team proud.

“But I was afraid she was going to blackmail me! She has all my information!”

I seriously doubt that anyone except a really young, or impulse driven personality, or a serious criminal hustler with a rap sheet longer than the trail of bad hustles in their path would pull a stunt like this. Why?

• One: actual blackmail is a serious crime.
• Two: Its a one trick pony. You only get away with this in one sweep before it comes back to permanently bite you on the ass. People (clients and providers) and the internet will remember you…. forever.
• Three: No one feels sympathy for people who cheat, rip off or otherwise try to con people. This includes “clients” who think providers are fair game for it because ____insert rationalizing logic___.

Blackmail or extortion as an option is only worth it to idiots or people YOU have really given a good reason to go after you in the face of these penalties. If you are actively pursuing idiots or being THAT kind of crappy human being to someone else, well buddy, let’s be honest here. The problem isn’t them. Its you and you are probably getting what you deserve here.

Pro tip: Your potential embarrassment later because someone found out what you do with your free time means nothing to me compared to my ability to wake up tomorrow unharmed and alive. If you don’t want to play by the rules, this is probably not the free time activity for you.

So, then this happened. A funny hypnosis (trance) massage story.

During massage, I spontaneously began an induction. I didn’t plan this. It just happened. And naturally, doing a trance induction also means I sometimes go into trance with them.

I was putting in triggers for increased sensations and awareness of flavors, smells and everything else that gave them pleasure for the rest of the day. Nice idea, right?

Then… IHOP… and a green chile omelette in my mouth that I thought was the second coming of Christ happening it tasted so good. Every last bite..

Heh. I don’t know how much he enjoyed his breakfast but mine was unparalleled! Wow!

So, if I refuse your request to hypnotize you into being a brainless cock hungry, bimbo, … you’ll understand why. LOL

Originally tweeted by More Love, Less Noise (@XOSamois) on October 28, 2020.

Want to play with trance or hypnotic mind, massage or roleplay games?

We can play the best ones. Find out more about my services here: phone sex with Samois and here: Roleplay and Hypnosis for kinksters!