If you don’t pay a hooker, is it rape or robbery?

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If you don’t pay a hooker, is it rape or robbery?

That joke is older than some of my father’s other crude jokes. And in humor, we can make observations we are uncomfortable discussing any other way.

I resurrected this joke because the recent angry, rallying cry of online social media invested sex workers is that not paying a sex worker for her services is rape. Yes, you read that right. She wasn’t robbed. She was raped. And they support this assertion with some loosely cobbled together legal technicalities and word play. Here is the only attempt at transforming this act of “defrauding” a criminal act of “rape” NOT sound like it is based on some kind of lunatic logic. It is explained here by a law student in Australia doing his best to defend this position for his female SW friends:

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@nathanjamesaus  
Consent to sex obtained through fraud is legally treated as invalid. The consent is removed by operation of law after the fact. Whether or not people understand that doesn’t matter. It’s still the law and he should be prosecuted accordingly for rape
3:53 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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@9LivesofaCougar
“Consent to sex obtained through fraud is legally treated as invalid. …. It’s still the law and he should be prosecuted accordingly for rape.”
Based on this, every man who claims to be single or in an “open/poly” relationship (but is not) to get sex also legally committed rape
7:26 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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@nathanjamesaus Replying to @9LivesofaCougar
The legal test is usually, if you were to take away the fraudulent misrepresentation of fact, would they still have freely consented the act. If they wouldn’t have consented if they’d known the truth, consent is considered invalid as it was obtained through deception.
7:36 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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@nathanjamesaus Replying to nathanjamesaus and @9LivesofaCougar
So what you’ve brought up is actually a very interesting point! I’m not sure if they’d prosecute in that case, but depending on the facts and the particular law in the jurisdiction (each is usually slightly different) you could get an interesting result…
7:37 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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@9LivesofaCougar Replying to @nathanjamesaus
So all married/monogamous partnered men who lie about their status to gain access to sex with women wanting relationships, not gratuitous sex, are on the legal hook for rape. This is brilliant and I can see the days when more civvie women learn about their legal recourse here!
7:41 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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@nathanjamesaus Replying to @9LivesofaCougar
I do find your legal point very interesting, however – I would like to point out that cheating is not reserved to males. All genders of people cheat, men, women, transgender. Many of them do so with me, as an escort. It’s not my place to judge that.
7:58 AM · Sep 22, 2019
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One of the many issues I have with this line of argument is that it makes sexual assault and being defrauded of money as the same level of criminal injury and they are not. If you agreed to something with someone that involves financial suppport in exchange for something else, this is not suddenly rape because your genitals are involved. It is bad business, defrauding and contract breach. You are inconvenienced by the loss of money but you are not traumatized by it. You will not be impaired from ever being able to pursue the acquisition or enjoyment of money again afterwards. You, hopefully, will improve your method of conducting your affairs and gain some life wisdom along the way.

In actual rape, always assumed to be the layman term for sexual assault, you are not inconvenienced. You are traumatized, internally as much as any external trauma that may or may not accompany it. There are things that you will lose as a result of this experience that you might never recover and if you do, not without alot of support, time and repair work.

Being cheated out of money will not rob you of:

  • your ability to experience joy in sex

  • your ability to sleep peacefully at night without nightmares

  • your ability to feel safe in your home or in the company of others

  • your ability to trust

  • your ability to have hope and confidence in other people

  • your abilty to connect in a meaningful emotional way without having to get through a bramble bush of scars and issues

  • your ability to see yourself as someone who isn’t “dirty, not deserving or less than”

  • your ability to live your life and not feel broken inside where it can’t be reached to be fixed because no one can see it

 

 

This is what will be lost immediately after a rape and will not be recovered from just by repeating the original experience and having success completion of it. You get ripped off? You change how you do things, do your work again, get paid properly and move on with your life. The worst repercussion you have is being financially inconvenienced and learning where you need to change your handling of contractual agreements and debt collection. You are not left with a life changing disability (internally or externally, temporary or permanent). You are inconvenienced.

When you ARE raped, what is taken from you is not so easily replaced by being alone with someone, alone in your space or being intimate with someone and successfully NOT re-experiencing the traumatic invasion of your physical integrity. There is a damn difference and if some of these hustlers would stop leveraging the victim/martyr card at every opportunity for the sole purpose of more social power in lieu of anything else that might inspire respect (how about showing evidence of thinking like an adult? considering the world through the eyes of the socially responsible? doing more than bragging about taking advantage of middle aged dads who are trying to work through their incestuous Zeus issues with their own daughters. That might be a good start if you want some social influence outside the echo chambers of the SW community)

This one disagreement about rape vs robbery is a hotbed of controversy and “drawing lines in the sand” among sex workers with many of them opting to stay out of the conversation entirely rather than risk ostracism from the girl’s club and information network. We are not the same people. We live in two different worlds even though it all looks like the same place, and I have never felt so alone in my life as I do in moments like this.
Defrauding someone is as much a criminal act as raping someone, but they are not the same thing. 
I am a sexual assault survior. I have been a sexual assault advocate. Nearly every female I have ever been close friends with throughout life has been the unfortunate victim of sexual assault by family members and familiar faces, and only occasionally by strangers. I have seen, heard and been through it as have women I admire tremendously for not letting this break them or define them later in life. We are not victims. We are survivors. And we still have it in ourselves to love men and find joy in sex. We had to reclaim these parts of ourselves because someone, once, tried to steal it from us and destroy it so we could never have it again. We are bigger than the problems in our lives. We are greater than our traumas. We are lighthouses here to shine a light in the darkness for others who find themselves lost in those turbulent, unforgiving waters that would swallow them whole too if they don’t find a way to endure and survive. Those of us who have been raped would appreciate it if those who haven’t would stop using it to conflate your personal agenda issues. You were defrauded, not raped. Still refuse to see a difference? Answer this:
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When you are supposedly raped with non-payment what you have you irrevocably lost from your psyche and life that cant be replaced?
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This is not an invitation to defraud anyone because it seems like a lesser evil. There IS a community hidden inside the sex work community that does NOT cheat people, offer false advertising, hustle folks and call men tricks, or women hookers and doesn’t roll through life with the sensibilities and soul of a mercenary for hire. If you know us, you know the value of our presence in someone’s life when they are at their lowest point and needing to be reminded that they are valued and still human. Cheating one sex worker is like cheating all of us because it creates a deep suspicion of clients through ALL the ranks of providers. There is already so much bad in this world. Why would you want to be an agent for more of that? Is your life so empty and devoid of any meaning or power that this is all you have to feel like you matter to someone? Doing that won’t fix this. It will only make your life feel more pathetic.I have been cheated. It feels alot like rape. You feel dirty, stupid like its your fault (even though someone else’s poor character is NOT your fault), taken advantage of and worst of all, your trust and confidence in someone as a decent human being (as a Universal baseline of expectation) is destroyed. I remember that person. I remember his face, height, build, and name as if he had actually raped me. I won’t forget him but he will eventually forget me. And maybe that’s the most important thing to remember. When you choose to hurt someone for no good reason except opportunity and entertainment, they will remember you, long after you have forgotten them. You don’t want to be that person, no matter what your relationship was or wasn’t at the time.
If we aren’t being taken seriously as sex workers, this conflation nonsense is a HUGE part of the problem. When we undervalue or try to equivocate the trauma of sexual assault to being defrauded, we undermine the validity and impact of actual sexual assault on its victims. Sexual assault victims still have enough problems being taken seriously and having their day in court now without undue and systemic attacks on their credibility of this being a legitimate or real trauma. A SW trying to hook their desired agenda to the experience of a sexual assault victim based on legal semantics for the obvious purpose of leveraging socio-political power is unfair, irresponsible and the most loathsome exercise in game playing. We live in the United States where sex work is still seen as a crime against society. If you are only selling time, not sex – this means you’re consent is not being violated if a client doesn’t uphold their end of a contractual agreement. What it means is that you have been defrauded of agreed payment for the consideration of your time. You cannot be raped if you voluntarily consented to have sex and there was no additional consideration of a payment or other representation offered in exchange for the sex.
Here in the USA – attempting to make this issue of defrauding come under the umbrella of sexual assault is not only laughable but it is an insensitive and self serving slap in the face of other women who have suffered far more harm than you have. Enough is enough.
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When you are supposedly raped with non-payment what you have you irrevocably lost from your psyche and life that cant be replaced?

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