Deposits and providers: 3 ways to avoid scams.

Oh, you have read the stories. Hard Luck Harry is online in one of those cesspools of humanity called a “review board” responding to a post about being the scam victim of a hustler who asked for a deposit, screening information, or ::heaven forbid:: just his real name and phone number. We will discuss him later in this post.

The short and dirty list of how to make better choices and avoid disappointments and bigger problems follows. It is not foolproof but it is a good place to start. Your own common sense and ability to get to know who you are dealing with beyond a pretty pictures and fantasy fueled ideas about them are the next best tools in your arsenal.

Fair warning here: I am not an expert on this industry. This information is based on common sense and limited to what I know. YMMV and there are always exceptions that slip through the cracks of any solid protective shield. Your best bet is always be realistic about what you are asking for, what you are expecting and who would want to provide that for you.

“Not all men” applies to everyone else in all manner of ways too.

(podcast version here)

Personality matters.

Obviously, we aren’t discussing getting to know someone so you can take them home to meet your parents but 90% of what a person needs to know about you is WHO you are and that all comes from your natural identity without the external social props (job, friends, activities, etc.). Your personality and how you view the world is expressed in what you think and what you say. Since we can’t read minds yet, we are all limited to spoken or written words and responses. The same is true when you are dealing with a service provider.

If you were hiring a contractor to come work on your house, would you randomly select someone from a list based on the image they used for their ad? Of course not. This person is coming into your home where you are most vulnerable. Of course you want to talk to them first so you can get to know who you are dealing with and THEN decide if you want to go further.

In this industry, having a conversation is not so easy or convenient because of the MASSIVE amount of wankers who just want free phone sex service. They can’t randomly call a generic business and start discussing their needs while they are jerking off and they are too cheap to call an actual phone sex service. Instead, they call companion services and try to engage the girls in lengthy, pointless conversation about a booking they have no intention of committing to. Providers in this industry get ALOT of those phone calls and it ties up our time, our phone lines, and really puts a person in a bad mood fast if you hear the phone ring after that. This is why many professionals will not engage in unnecessary, lengthy conversation on the phone (or email) IF they accept phone calls at all. This doesn’t mean you can’t get to know them in the meantime. Here’s the list of how to get to know someone better.

Welcome to the internet!

Welcome to the place where TMI meets Fantasy Island. With a little bit of time, you can learn alot about who you are dealing with by both what they say, and what they don’t say. Here are three basic and easily accessible places to learn about who you are actually dealing with.

• Social Media – Is there anything there with some actual meat on it or is it all “brand” content that looks like an advertising stream? How long has the account been online? What does their social media tell you about them?
• Blogs – This can be a tough one because (a) You might not be a reader or (b) they may not be a writer. The most important thing to remember about social media and/or blogs is real ones aren’t an endless stream of free porn content. You’ll know them when you see them.
• Review Boards – Look for responses to things, not just pretty pics and ads or worse, the known-to-be dishonest or exaggerated reviews (by anonymous male members who are trying to impress other anonymous males on the internet).

Being anonymous.

New clients and bad clients (not always the same thing) are the FIRST ones to bring up “anonyminity” because who wouldn’t be concerned that you are inviting a blackmailing, stalking, psychotic into your life, right?

As a provider, I am not anonymous. My name, face and other identifications are listed and on record with advertising sites, hotels and many other places. This means if there was ever a real problem and law enforcement really needed to hunt me down, they would find me in less time than it takes to get a cup of coffee at a busy coffee shop. I am a real person and because I am usually physically smaller than you, working in an unpopular industry, and often trying to avoid as much drama as possible when I am working, I am heavily invested in a smooth, safe, and happy experience for everyone, including the people who are around me but not participating (unsuspecting staff, neighbors, bystanders, etc)

This means I need to know who I am dealing with (and for me, it also means that my private home is off limits. Neighbors are nosy and keep uninvited tabs on single women)

If you call an agency, they know who you are. With their deep pockets and connections, they can get information about you from all manner of sources including hotel staff where you are staying, or someone who can run the tags on your car behind the scenes. They also have very friendly folks who are on standby in case you are a problem client or need to be reminded about the rules of payment. What they don’t need to ask you about your identity upfront is made up by the amount of protection and information they have at their disposal on the back end. But you already suspected that which is why you are calling an independent who is insisting on your real world screening information instead of calling an agency that only asks for your name and location, isn’t it?

YOU are never as anonymous as you want to believe you are unless you are picking someone up off a street corner (and even then, you aren’t invisible). Anonymity in the modern world is a fairytale. Privacy, on the other hand, is something we both want other people to respect and protect.

How do you know if someone will use this information to harrass, stalk or blackmail you?

In situations where someone claims that this happened to them, all roads lead to home. Here’s the common list of questions you should ask yourself.

• Did you give them a reason to want to risk ruining their own life or business by doing this? Did you try to NOT pay them, or threaten harm, abuse, insult or otherwise make them wish they had never met you? What would motivate YOU to risk ruining your own life or business and pull crap like this knowing that people would hear about you, far and fast?
• Did you deal with someone who is operating with all the red flags waving at you? Never talks on phone, text only. No meaningful social media or web presence, just an ad. Really young or has a trashy disposition?
• Did you see that they are clearly crazy amounts of conceited, or self aggrandizing and ignore it because they are attractive? Example: claims to be a bar certified lawyer specializing in intellectual properties AND has no concerns about showing their face on their ads/social media identifying them as an escort. (If you know anything about white collar professions or the amount of money that IP lawyers make, you would understand the magnitude of red flag waving here)
• Did they seem too young or too pretty with all the above present too? Young and pretty makes up the bulk of this industry so this can seem confusing but remember too young and too pretty in an ad with ANY of the above present too? It only seems too good to be true because you wanted to ignore all the other red flags that came with it.

You are smarter than a brick. This short list of three things are easy to spot. If someone didn’t see them, it is because they didn’t want to see them and wanted instead to only see “young, pretty, accessible, easy, right now or cheap.”

Fact is that if someone gets ripped off, they will often be the first to announce it on the internet, or call the cops. If it is true and ends up on the internet, that news will travel far and fast ruining that providers ability to continue on in this business. The people in this line of work are NOT forgiving of con-artists who rip off clients and will be the first to ensure they never work in peace again.

Has it happened? Yes. And the response is consistent, predictable and would surprise you. Sex workers from every corner will come out of the woodwork, denounce, announce and pounce on them every time they try to return with a new “identity”. These providers may be as unified and dismissive of each other as cats but when someone breaks ranks and makes life hard for EVERYONE? That’s when you will see an organized group effort that would make a military special ops team proud.

“But I was afraid she was going to blackmail me! She has all my information!”

I seriously doubt that anyone except a really young, or impulse driven personality, or a serious criminal hustler with a rap sheet longer than the trail of bad hustles in their path would pull a stunt like this. Why?

• One: actual blackmail is a serious crime.
• Two: Its a one trick pony. You only get away with this in one sweep before it comes back to permanently bite you on the ass. People (clients and providers) and the internet will remember you…. forever.
• Three: No one feels sympathy for people who cheat, rip off or otherwise try to con people. This includes “clients” who think providers are fair game for it because ____insert rationalizing logic___.

Blackmail or extortion as an option is only worth it to idiots or people YOU have really given a good reason to go after you in the face of these penalties. If you are actively pursuing idiots or being THAT kind of crappy human being to someone else, well buddy, let’s be honest here. The problem isn’t them. Its you and you are probably getting what you deserve here.

Pro tip: Your potential embarrassment later because someone found out what you do with your free time means nothing to me compared to my ability to wake up tomorrow unharmed and alive. If you don’t want to play by the rules, this is probably not the free time activity for you.